Krusty Kontest Winner!
"Eldersburg is bigger where it counts."
August 8, 2007

We Have A Winner!

In promoting the new Simpsons movie, selected 7-Eleven stores were given a limited number of Krusty cereal for their shelves, and we just snagged the last two! The Eldersburg 7-Eleven only got in 10 boxes early in July, and they're all gone now. You had the chance to win one of these boxes by sending in a short essay on why Eldersburg is better than Springfield and we now have our winner.

The lucky Eldersburgian, known only as "Nolan, the Destroyer," wrote this essay on his trials and tribulations and profound realization of the greatness of Eldersburg.

Why Eldersburg is Better than Springfield

I’m not one to just state a thesis, but I believe so strongly in this that I feel it is necessary. I think, because of the law of Conservation of Mass, that Eldersburg is better. I first went to the Eldersburg Wikipedia and the Springfield Wikipedia pages, and I will describe my odyssey. I opened up my laptop, scratched, worn; I groaned at the thought of it only being a few weeks old. I wept openly when I saw that my signal was sadly only at one bar. My neighbor had a laugh of triumph as he witnessed my displeasure through his window. I clicked on my Firefox icon, only to wait for seconds on end, and once again on my Wikipedia icon. I started with Springfield, typing it into the search bar, and what did I come up with? A list of possible searches, a list! I needed a break from all the stress, but no, I drudged on. I typed in “Eldersburg”, and a very convenient page came up with exactly what I wanted. According to the law of Conservation of Mass, if Eldersburg has a small web page, it’s got to be bigger somewhere else. Eldersburg is bigger where it counts.

Congratulations, Mr. Destroyer.

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